One of my best friends passed away on November 2nd.
He was only eighteen years old. I’m not going to give out his full name or any details for privacy reasons, but his first name was Alex. It was unexpected and none of us saw it coming. But, apparently he was in pain and he wanted it all to end. So, he made it end.
Alex was one of those people who was always making the people around him laugh. His smile was always reaching his ears and his laugh was contagious. His dream was to go into the army. He always said that he wanted to fight for his country. I admired that.
I met Alex in the early years of middle school. We were aware of each other and had mutual friends, but we didn’t specifically go out of our way to talk to each other. If we happened to cross paths, then yes, we’d say hello and maybe have a conversation, but I wouldn’t say that we were close.
Freshman year of high school, I started hanging out with a group of friends that he was a part of. His best friend was my best friend’s boyfriend so naturally, we saw each other every day. There were other friends in this friend group, but I’m not going to take the time to explain how everyone was tied together. We were all close though, told each other basically everything. We would always meet in the early morning before our classes started at school so we would have time to hang out before the bell rang. Then, we’d meet again at lunch. Alex was always one of the people to save the table so half of us could go get food. Then, he’d go get his once we returned. He was kind like that.
He was the person who always kept us laughing. To him, there was always an opportunity to make a joke in every conversation. He really lightened the mood when it was needed. We were always thankful.
I saw and hung out with Alex almost every single day for over 3 years. My last year of high school, I switched to all-online classes and stopped getting to see him as often. That’s now something that I regret.
Again, no one saw it coming. We thought he was a happy kid who was looking forward to joining the army. We didn’t see the pain he was feeling, and honestly, I don’t know how we didn’t see it. Not even a clue how he was truly feeling.
This was the first death of someone that I was super close to. And it really hurts, but I have the rest of my friends to help me get through. The same as I am helping them. His funeral is in a couple days, and I’m dreading it, but I know it will help us all by being able to say the goodbye that we weren’t able to say before it happened.
Suicide is a terrible thing. I’m not going to shame Alex for it, or anybody else who has done it, because I know they were in pain and it was the only path they saw possible to reach peace. And I know that they are in peace now. But it isn’t the only way. It isn’t the right way.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you are reading this now and you are depressed and in pain, it will pass with time. There are people around you that truly care for you, whether you see it or not. You are loved. You are worth it. And it will get better. That, I promise.
I love and miss you, Alex. I hope you finally found your peace.
If you need help, please make a move to help yourself. Talk to someone. Anyone.
If you are in the United States and need to talk someone you can call ” 1-800-273-8255 ” (the national suicide prevention lifeline.)
If you are anywhere else in the world, find your country down below and contact the 24/7 available number. If the number for you isn’t on that list, please look up or ask someone an available one to you wherever you live.
Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
Estonia: 3726558088; in Russian 3726555688
Finland: 010 195 202
Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000
New Zealand: 0800543354
Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50
South Africa: 0514445691
United Kingdom: 08457909090
Veterans’ Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 838255